Advice from Felicia: When His Ex Won’t Let Go
“My boyfriend’s ex -girlfriend keeps trying to be friends with him, but it makes me uncomfortable. What should I do? I feel guilty for not wanting him to talk with her anymore.”
First off, you should never feel guilty for any emotions that you feel during your life. Everyone’s emotions are valid and they always deserve to be respected.
Ex’s are always a touchy topic for a lot of couples. They become an even more touchy topic when the ex wants back into your current partner’s life. Of course, their ex’s emotions are also important and deserve to be respected, which can be a hard thing to do in your specific situation. I always try and put myself in another person’s shoes before I jump to conclusions about them. I would try and think, “What are her intentions on meeting with him? Is she going through something in her life and needs advice? Has she moved on and wants to truly just be friends? Or does she want to get back together?” The only person that can answer these questions, is the ex in the situation. Maybe you could meet with her and your boyfriend to discuss the situation at hand.
In your situation, I believe that communication between you and your boyfriend is extremely important in maintaining your relationship with him. If you are uncomfortable, feeling guilty, and not letting him know, you are hurting yourself and your relationship. Your boyfriend chose to be with you and not his ex for a reason. Although you may be feeling jealous and uncomfortable at the fact she wants to be his friend, I am sure his ex also feels jealous that you are now in the position she once was in. I believe that if you talk with your boyfriend about your feelings, he should be able to understand where you are coming from. If he cares about you, he will figure out a way to deal with the situation while also keeping in mind your feelings. I stress again that communication is key. If he chooses to text her often, and that makes you uncomfortable, let him know. There is always a middle ground that can make everyone in the situation happy. Once you find out what the ex wants from the situation, you can do your best to talk with your boyfriend and figure out a way to help the ex, while still maintaining a healthy relationship with your boyfriend.
Each situation is completely different. Everyone in every situation like this has a different history, and therefore nothing I can say right now may directly apply to your situation. While some people can be friends with their ex, some people cannot, and both situations are completely acceptable depending on the situation. My main advice is to not feel guilty for your emotions. Your emotions are relevant and if your relationship is meant to be, your partner will respect those emotions and never make you feel guilty for being you.
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