Russia Annexes Fenton Building
In a shocking twist of events, The Suffolk Voice has learned that The Russian Federation has occupied the Fenton Building and that they plan to incorporate it into their country. This comes as the most recent development in the ongoing crisis between Russia and Ukraine, indicating that president Vladimir Putin is not looking to come to a diplomatic solution.
There is Russian propaganda posters replacing the normal Suffolk flyers in the lobby, and a large Russian flag has been draped across the awning of the staircase at the front entrance. Security forces have blockaded the building, not allowing any Suffolk students (besides those of Russian descent) to enter the premises.
President Obama has expressed outrage at the developments, saying in a press release that “we will not tolerate such an obvious act of intrusion into our country. Russia will have to deal with some very angry letters and some passive aggressive remarks through our media as a result of this aggression. They will be very, very sorry when those comments come streaming in.”
The Russian occupants have begun utilizing the Fenton computer lab as a communications hub/propaganda machine. When asked for a comment, president McCarthy replied, “Wait, Fenton has a computer lab?”
President Putin has issued a formal statement on the action.
“It didn’t really seem like anyone was using the Fenton Building, and I know a couple Russian students who have been there once or twice. Seemed like it was up for grabs to me,” the Russian president said.
So far, most students haven’t been affected by the occupation, as half the student body is unaware of the Fenton Building’s existence. However it remains to be seen what impact this will have moving forward.