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Boston Celtics To Hold Open Tryout at Suffolk

The Boston Celtics have announced that they will be holding an open tryout for prospective players at Suffolk University at 7pm in the Ridgeway gym.

With the Celtics mathematically eliminated from NBA playoff contention, it appears Danny Ainge has decided that it may be time to mix things up on the court and let someone fulfill their dreams of getting to wear the historic Celtics jersey.

Only one participant will be selected to sign a 8-game contract and will join the team on Wednesday in Washington to help the C’s close out what has been a rough season for the Celtics faithful.

“Management wanted to shake things up,” said a member of the Celtics public relations staff. “The fans deserve it.”

“We thought of several different scenarios to help keep the fans interested down the stretch,” they added. “Unfortunately Russ [Bill Russell] and Larry [Bird] were not interested in putting the uniform back on. This was the next best idea that didn’t involve Bieber.”

It was an obvious choice for the Celtics to pick Suffolk as the host of this historic event.

“The Rams have such a rich basketball tradition that [head coach] Brad [Stevens] admires. It reminds him of his coaching days at Bulter,” noted Stevens’ brother, Even.

The organization has made it clear that they are looking for players that are under 6-feet tall, have a tendency to turn the ball over, and have mediocre jumping ability. Knowledge of the rules is not required.

The Celtics also made it clear that stealing talent from 90s NBA superstars is strictly prohibited and will result in banishment to Moron Mountain.

Just hours after the announcement, several CJN students taking a smoke break and a person asking for spare change could have easily been mistaken for a line forming in anticipation of the big event.

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