Suffolk Voted Most Popular Among Students
In a nationwide poll of every university in America, students were asked whether or not they thought that, “Their university goes above and beyond expectations of community and education.” Suffolk University came out at #1 in the entire country, with a shocking 99% of students saying they agree that Suffolk is the bee’s knees.
“It’s awesome here,” said Mike Hawk, a transfer student who has been at Suffolk for 30 minutes. “There’s just so much stuff to do. The facilities are top notch. I mean, I haven’t really been anywhere but Donahue but the elevators seem flawless. I’ve met about 4 people and only 3 of them have asked me for spare change. I just can’t say how impressed I am.”
The poll asked students to rank the top five things they loved about their university. In Suffolk’s case, the most common top five included: (1) The residence halls and how they are state of the art and ever so accommodating, (2) the elevators’ smooth operation, (3) Sawyer Building’s fresh, clean and smoke-free entrances, (4) the Archer Building that was designed by Picasso’s schizophrenic architect brother-in-law, and (5) the amazing athletics department.
“There is an obvious commitment to excellence here,” stated Willie Stroker, a guy we found on Temple Street. “I heard they were working on a new state of the art building project that included zero new housing plans, ensuring that 3rd and 4th year students will still be thrown out and left completely to their own devices in the rabid housing market of Boston. It’s stuff like this that just makes you say, ‘Wow! Now that’s a university that puts its students first.'”
It is reported that the 1% of students who didn’t agree that Suffolk was awesome were reported to an unnamed Suffolk committee and fined. At least one person in the 1% was Spare Change Guy.