Pope Francis Supports Marriage Equality
In a surprising change of heart, Pope Francis has come out in full support of same sex marriage. He was quoted in an interview held with his most trusted advisers and confidants saying, “Yeah we’ve really messed this whole thing up. It’s kind of hard to preach the ‘Love thy neighbor’ thing while we actively discriminate against an entire group of people.”
Francis cited scientific evidence as reasoning for his new stance.
“Apparently they identified the specific genetic coding that makes people trend towards homosexuality a while ago. This would mean that people are created with homosexual urges and they aren’t actually sexually depraved abominations. The church must have accidentally left this out of my briefing when I first became Pope. What a silly mistake right?”
The Pope made an emotional speech on Easter talking about alleviating suffering of the most unfortunate people, and preached peace between all people of the world, regardless of differences. It was with great satisfaction that gay rights activists around the globe heard Pope Francis’ new sentiment about marriage equality. Franken Beans of the Rainbow Alliance was quoted in support of the new stance saying, “It’s about damn time the Vatican came around. How did it take this long? Jesus said pretty specifically to love all your neighbors, not just the straight ones.”
This new development has given hope to other groups of people who have faced prejudice at the hands of the Catholic Church. However one of those groups, women, were dealt a striking blow as Pope Francis concluded his Q&A session after his private interview. One reporter asked the Pope, “Do you think women could be given a little more power and say within the Church now too?” Francis responded, after a burst of laughter, “Woah woah, let’s not get crazy now.”